fireworks

I haven’t written for a couple weeks about Eric because…I haven’t really understood exactly what was going on.

I’ve been waiting for this moment when I decided I trusted him, or a moment when I didn’t…but let me tell you, the latter comes much more easily. It took me a while to figure out that I wasn’t going to learn to trust him until I gave in a little bit more of myself.

Unfortunately, I didn’t realize this until things became a little weird between the two of us. He didn’t know where he stood with me and in his own confusion, he pulled back a little. The moment he pulled away, I felt my heart hurt a little. I’ve been an anxious little wreck the past few days trying to get him in a situation where I could explain that to him. I finally got my chance…and I think we’re close to being back where we were before. Well, maybe not there exactly. I made it clear to him that I’m not interested in just friendship. We both seem a little more relaxed and have decided we still want to take things slowly.

The anxiety my stomach had worked itself into this morning (it literally woke me up at 3 a.m.) is mostly gone. I don’t know how things will go from here, but I couldn’t stand the awkward state they were in. I’m willing to really give us a fresh start. I should be, shouldn’t I?

"And then I was addicted, baby. I was addicted to saying things and having them matter to someone."